The Worst Year I Ever Slept Through

Happy Year of the Rabbit! 2011! ( I accidentally wrote 20100 at first haha)

Anyways, hope you all have a great time welcoming in the new year.

As for me, I will be at my parents' friend's house, sitting on a couch, most likely trying to stay awake while holding a glass of champagne in one hand. We can't all have as much fun as me now can we. Aaahaha.

Personally I'm not super fond of new years. I love the tradition and comes with it (I'm half Japanese), I love the family aspect of it, and I'm amused by the fact everyone seems extremely drunk and excited and start setting off fireworks in small neighborhoods, but I don't like the thought of another year going by.

Every year I try to make resolutions, and every year they fail. I'm at the point of, who gives a damn about resolutions because nothing ever changes! The past three~four years of my life all kind of mush together for me. I dislike them very much and they are filled with a lot of things I wish to forget, but cannot because I dwell way too much, so welcoming yet another year to me is kind of like HELLO ANOTHER YEAR OF CRAP! Ah ok now I am rambling. I'm not usually this negative, but when it comes to it being the last day of 2010, as I look back on the past 12 months that flashed before my eyes, I'm very not happy. hahaaa.

Also it just reminds me that I lost another year of my life that I can never get back and I will just keep getting older and there's no way to change that. lol optimism at its finest.

I'm also just being grumpy because I'm still sick after almost a week and I haven't been able to do anything fun all week because I am sick. Though it is not like I get out all that often in he first place. blah blah blah woe is me whine whine

Here are some more doodles so I'll stop talking hahaha

the blue one was the pose that lead to the bunny drawing~

Dancers

I have work tomorrow, but I drew some sketches of dancers that I like, so I'm making a post just to show them haha.

Well I feel rather dizzy from not getting good sleep, and I have an eight hour day ahead of me, so I should pass out now. Sorry this post is so bland, I just like these sketches. So terribly rusty at digital art though. I miss Paint Tool Sai /whine whine whine.

Anatomy? Hands? what are those things? never heard of them hur hur....

Good night!

(by the way, here's a christmas song!

Nat King Cole- The Christmas Song)

Hang Me Up To Dry

Stayed up much later than I should be up drawing people getting their asses kicked with Eric. That was actually really entertaining hahaha. Thanks Eric for that. I'm exhausted (even though I didn't do shit today) and have work tomorrow, and yet I felt the need to update this RIGHT this instant.. This was my fave of the bunch, no matter how awkward the body looks and generic the girly boy is... hah. (if it makes it less gruesome, he's not dead....)

Anyways. Finals are over and being home has its ups and downs. To be completely honest, I wish I wasn't. I don't really like being home haha.... I feel really caged in when I'm here. The only good thing about it is I'm not at school. But I can't really say whatever I want, can't go anywhere without a ride, can't do things on a whim, etc. At least when I'm not living at home, I have a lot more freedom, not to mention a room...

When I'm at home this is basically how I feel 24/7:

(holding in all anger and sadness at once lol)

Basically, I have no life and I do nothing. I sit around at home. Mope around. At least when I'm not living at home I do things. I don't know. I'm just wasting my life away pretty much. hah. fun.

To sum it up, I'm always angry and unhappy recently, but things might change. I don't know, nothing seems to please me anymore. Especially things that have to do with myself.

Anyways, enough of this stupid 2am depressing rambling. Have a great day everyone.

*goes back to drawing beaten up people....but should prob sleep*

He Loves Me

Here's a drawing from today that I did. I bought a fresh new sketchbook and decided to start drawing regularly again. Or well, as regular as /I/ can get, because god knows I'm never constant with my drawing.

Anyways, tonight I've been reading many Oscar Wilde poems...while also watching movies off of netflix that have no relation to them whatsoever (ex: The Princess and the Frog and The Producers hahaha). His writing is simply beautiful, I've never really taken to poetry as well as I take to his (another would be Walt Whitman). To be honest I'm not much of a poetry person usually! Here is a passage that I really took a liking to :)

Yet each man kills the thing he loves, By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword.

-From The Ballad of Reading Gaol.

Just something to think about haha

And to keep my posts from being too extremely boring, here is a photo of my doggy's really cute paws when she was being a lazy bum with me on the couch the other day:

SO CUUUTE UASHFUDSHFUDSHF

In other news, I've been writing a lot of stories lately as well, I'm just very shy about posting any kind of my writing online. (Even as I type this I'm being extremely cautious of what I say haha.) I really enjoy writing stories and illustrating them, but actually showing them makes me nervous. Maybe if I write something that I am really pleased with, I'll muster up enough courage to post it on here....maybe..... Especially now that finals are over pretty much, I have time... lol ugh

Well have a nice night everyone!

(Here's today's christmas song)

No Words

These four pages from a comic called J no Subete really get me. Nakamura Asumiko doesn't use any dialogue whatsoever, and yet I feel like her characters still have so much emotion. I fell in love with these pages when I got to the end of volume 2. It's haunting, especially after reading the whole first 2 volumes, but haunting in a bittersweet way.

Ah youth~~

Something else that uses no words is a NY Times video gallery that I discovered in class the other day. It's called 14 Actors Acting, and it portrays the different "classic screen types." Basically, its fourteen different actors acting without any sound, just music. Even if you can see that they are talking, you can't hear anything, and yet you can kind of feel what they're saying because of how well they are acting.

Personally I think it's really beautiful. If you want to see it, here's the link: 14 Actors Acting

Also its in this gooooorgeous black and white hahaha. I really just love it.

Anyways, I have 3 finals today. Whoopee.... hahaha and some other things to take care of, so I'm going to study some German right now so I don't fail. haha.

Here's a few old sketches:

Enjoy your day everyone :)

Two Young Men Facing Left

(if you click the images, they enlarge)

Pretty much like the title says, here are two drawings of young men facing to the left with awkward bodies:

On the first sketch, I like the clothing and the face for the most part, but I can tell theres something wonky with the body going on in there haha. My friend and I were talking about mythology, and it made me feel like drawing some kind of Roman/Greek inspired outfit/young man. lol

The second, I just wanted to draw the boots from this one fashion show. You can't really see it in this sketch, but they have a bunch of blossoms and roses on the front part of the boot. His body is super crooked though, not to mention most likely out of proportion haha.

Since this entry has the words Young Men in it, I thought I would post some fashion photos of young men that I found very appealing lately haha.

As much as I like looking at editorials of women's fashion, lately I find myself really loving menswear. Suits, cardigans, certain hats excluding many fedoras haha, bowties, nice pants of many styles, pointed leather lace-up shoes, etc. There is something so appealing about it. It looks so clean, put together, and if messy, it looks intentionally disheveled. Something about these looks really appeal to me. When I can put my finger on it, I'll make sure to let you know what it is haha.

Also seeing how it's christmas time, I thought maybe I'd do something where I post a little Christmas song with almost each post I make. Today's pick is one of my favorites: Wonderful Christmas Time by Paul McCartney. So cute :')

Early in the Morning

It's actually not very early at all haha.I just felt like updating before having to finish things and practice a skit for German class in two hours. Ugh.

Anyways, here are doodles I did recently in class lol. Seeing how this is suppossed to be used as an art blog as well, I should probably post some art...

Last night I watched Cider House Rules as I was falling asleep. I really love that movie, as cheesy and begging for an oscar as it is (and even though I wish I read the book before seeing it rather than after). The time period, along with the location, makes for a gorgeous look/feel and I just love Tobey Macguire when he's not playing Spiderman hahaha. Watching it makes me want to go to Maine, or anywhere really on the east coast that is full of trees and not in the middle of a busy city. I feel very claustrophobic where I am. Not many trees, hardly any green, just bleak buildings everywhere.

The theme from this movie is really pretty, if anyone wants to hear it:

I remember in high school my best friend thought the movie was about a college frat. Something like "Cider house RULES!!" aaaahahaha

anyways, back to school work!

He is Gone

Ah, leave me not to pine alone and desolate

No fate seemed fair as mine

No happiness so great

And Nature, day by day

Has sung in accents clear

This joyous roundelay

He loves me, he is here

Fa la la la Fa la la la

He loves me, he is here

Fa la la la Fa la la

Ah, must I leave thee here

In endless night to dream

Where joy is dark and drear

And sorrow all supreme -

Where nature, day by day,

Will sing, in altered tone,

This weary roundelay

He loves thee, he is gone

Fa la la la Fa la la la

He loves thee, he is gone

Fa la la la Fal la

-The Pirates of Penzance

(top is a drawing from a comic I would love to finish one day.)

Of Death and Other Things

Today as I was working on my final self portrait project for my life drawing class, I decided I wanted to make a pained/crying expression to draw. When I tried faking it, or making myself look like I was crying, it just didn't look genuine at all. I couldn't draw it because there was no reality to it. For the most part I just looked as if I was really angry about something.

So I decided to watch films I knew made me cry so that it would be real. One I decided to watch because it makes me sob every time is this one video on youtube. It's a short documentary about an ex-convict who has a 3-legged dog that changed his life. Tragically the dog is going to be put down, so the director filmed the man's last hours with his beloved friend. This video just made me think of my past dog.

I had a dog named Sugar who was already old when he received her. She was a rather grumpy dog who liked to get her way. Sugar wasn't the nicest to me, but I still loved her more than anything because she was MY dog. My first dog, too. That video made me think of my last hours with her. I remember she was really sick for a while. Her tummy got jaundiced and she bloated up. She could still function, but was becoming slower, and slower. It was painful to see her rapid decline, but we didn't treat her any differently. We still showered her with as much love as possible.

But I remember the last night with my dog. Everything was going fine, but when Sugar went into the backyard to do her duty, she saw a cat and decided she was healthy enough to go chasing it. She collapsed mid run. When my mom frantically brought her back into the house, Sugar could hardly walk. We all looked at each other sadly, all knowing that this was basically the end. I sat all night with her. Sugar could not walk so she we put her in a basket full of blankets to keep her warm. She stayed with me too. Part of me thinks she knew this was her last night with us as well.

Sadly I had to go to school the next day, as much as I wanted to be with her at the end. I broke down crying in the middle of my math class and decided to step out, and miss most of my next class as well. I kept thinking about how one night Sugar was there with us, at the door when we come home, sat by me when I'm on the couch, or laid down relaxing in her stinky leopard print bed....and yet tonight when I got home she would no longer be there. Its an unnerving feeling, sitting with something you know is going no longer going to be around the next day. To sit there with her, knowing that we would have to put her down tomorrow, that we have to put her out of her misery, is a terrible thing. It made me think, why are we the ones to decide when it's an animal's time to pass? I know she was in a great deal of pain so she must be much happier now. Pain free and forever running around in an endless dog park somewhere, but it still just makes me wonder.

I miss Sugar, and I'll always remember that night. The night I sat with her until very late so I could see her one last time as long as I possibly could. I have a new, great, loving doggy now. We got her a year later. But it terrifies me to think that one day she will no longer be with me anymore. I know we all must pass sometime, I just don't like to acknowledge that fact sometimes.

First Meaningless Post

Life has been dragging on lately like it usually does. Recently I've found that final projects that I'm really dreading to turn in have been taking all of my time away from me.

Anyways, between not really working on these projects and going to class/work, I've been rewatching some films that came to mind. (Most things come to mind when you're supposed to be doing something important haha) One that I watched this past weekend was called Wilde. Personally, I like this film. I really like tragic love stories, especially those set in the 19th century. Also, gorgeous young men like Jude Law don't hurt at all haha. I've always been fond of Oscar Wilde, both himself as a person and his writing, which is just beautiful. I thought Stephen Fry did a pretty good job playing the brilliant author. Jude Law also did a good job playing the spoiled, rich lover, Lord Alfred Douglas.

Anyways, I am in class so I should probably stop writing. Goodbye!